vancouver island-based author and artist

I don't live here anymore

I don’t live here anymore
I’m tired but I can’t sleep
I’ve stopped drinking
I couldn’t cry
I broke a bottle and I threw it over the side
Railing
It fell into the snow
No one would know until spring came to stay
Lady Gaga cause I told myself I liked it
Nobody knows I skipped half the tracks
Desiderata on the wall
The room’s small but spacious
All I know is breaking down between these walls.
The years passed
I ran away, fell in love
Gave my heart away and I tried
To swallow bullshit I’d never take
She used to be with me
We’d listen to the rain
Or when I made my own storm she was something to hold
My sunshine.
You must have known
The years I spent, having lost track
I’ve always been sad
I’m lying here now, I’m cold
And I don’t wanna be alone
A fantasy lover won’t keep me warm
I just want to go home
It isn’t here, or anywhere else I’ve lived
I don’t know peace or sanctuary
But baby, this is still your home.
I might be known to break down here
but I don’t live here
Not all of me is welcome
And home
Is where I am.

© Mary dela Torre, 2014

poetryMary