L.A.J. (Preliminary)

My paranoia is at an all-time high
While me sleeping next to a septic leak
Is an all-time low
Tell me if I'm gonna sleep tonight
No?
I didn't think so

© Mary dela Torre, 2016

 

the last seventy hours
have brought me about eighty panic attacks
strung together like popcorn on a vintage christmas tree
tastefully adorning the scenery because
you know
paradise isn't always breezy

© Mary dela Torre, 2016

 

I wrote for about five hours straight today
somehow I'm still finding words for my
state today
good news is I didn't break today except for a couple of times in the morning and
twice at the coffee shop
I managed to walk along the harbour without shedding a single tear
as if that's an accomplishment
it's irrelevant when you're dying inside

© Mary dela Torre, 2016 

 

She asked me: how do you feel?
I said: shattered into a million jagged pieces and taped together
I didn't know she had also shattered
but her pieces were all over the floor and sinking into the carpet
Yet she still tried to keep me afloat
If female friendship isn't the strongest and most selfless life force on earth
I don't know what is

© Mary dela Torre, 2016

 

I can't share my space with my fear
I need a wall between us
Even if fear cuts through it and makes the last of my nightmares come true
The illusion that I can distance myself
From what haunts me
Is the last thing I have to hold onto

© Mary dela Torre, 2016

 

I'm coming home soon
I don't know what the fuck that means
I don't know if home is a house
A permanent namaste or
A curtain rod with 8 baseball caps hanging from it
All I know is I tried to make a home out of
Bunk beds and expectations
And I failed
Fucking miserably
 

© Mary dela Torre, 2016

 

What did you wish for
When we were looking up at shooting stars through the skylight
That first night in bed?
I wanna believe it was for a thousand more nights just like that
Not for one night
To end them all

© Mary dela Torre, 2016

poetryMary