vancouver island-based author and artist

(untitled)

Tonight the void is a well
With no bottom
Drop a penny down and you'll never hear it land
It leads to the underworld
That no one knows
But imagines the worst of

To the voice of my own brother
I am coming undone
I am breaking
I sob
And the pain is unlike anything else
A sensation you forget about between losses
But when it returns you wonder how you could ever forget
It's searing yet systematic
Folding and collapsing neatly
Yet a house of cards
A falling, flying frenzy
All at once
In my chest
Tears stream
And they stop at the end of the second verse
When I can breathe again
But the fear still lingers
The cause never goes away

All these years
Men
Accomplishments later
My heart breaks the same way
Like a child
Desperately
The void is loneliness
And being misunderstood
And as I vainly tried to piece together my own truth
And share it with the ones I loved
I pushed them
Or they left me
And always
I end up alone

So now I need a different approach
What kind of life
Where will I go
There will be no hunt for a knight
Or a field of friends
From now on
I prepare for solitude
My self will be my only shield
Because I don't have much heart left to break
It hurts like this every time
Dramatically
I feel it everywhere
A trauma that doesn't heal
But fades
Only to be reimpressioned the next time my whole life tumbles down

So what's left of my heart
Is going in a glass case
I'll hire my own security
And people will pay to see it
But never touch it
My heart
And my mind
Will be like the crowns family jewels
Only instead of in a tower
They'll be housed in me
Living
Breathing
But no longer breaking
I can't take 8 more heartbreaks like this anymore

© Mary dela Torre, 2015

poetryMary