It's Day 15 and I'm sitting in my backyard in shorts listening to Drake. I'd probably get up to leave for barre in about 40 minutes, but... I dropped the class, and then got locked out of signing up again because class was full :\ oops! Instead, the humble 4th Street BBW studio will get to see me for 2h straight tomorrow morning. And as for now, I get to enjoy the sunshine and reflect on the first 15 days of this challenge, while eating ice cream and cake. Just kidding. My birthday isn't until next week. But the sunshine's nice!
To be fair, I did do a suuuper hard cardio workout with my trainer this morning. I told her my legs hurt after doing two barre classes yesterday and asked for core instead because I've been eating terribly this week. She made me do two 10-minute cardio intervals at 8 incline with all sorts of torturous midsection slammers in-between. It was horrible but I did it. One of my favourite Lana Del Rey remixes was playing during my first cardio bit and I thought it was a 3-minute song until it dragged on for 6 out of my agonizing 10 minutes. Songs are soooo long when you're dying to them - even your favourites :( once I finished, I came home and made protein pancakes and green tea, and showered. That's pretty much been my day, and I can truthfully say I exerted a lot of effort. I'll happily double up at the barre tomorrow morning when I am without a doubt in pain after today's workout. No pain, no gain! Or in this case, no burn :)
I wish I could tell you I took measurements and weighed myself and actually stuck to a diet plan this month. I didn't do any of those things, though. I meal prepped the first 10 days and then got very sick of baked dill mustard salmon. Lately I've been eating a lot of salad. I can tell you that my shirts fit better but my pants fit worse; my waist is shrinking and I'm growing a rock-hard Beyonce booty. That's good right? I mean, I'll take it. I know what curves are now. And they look pretty good on me.
I'm basically staring at the calendar in awe because in one month and one day, I leave on my epic nine-week adventure through Holland, Israel, the homeland and Japan. I only have two more weeks left of this challenge and a VERY quick two weeks in May where I'll be wrapping up the rest of my affairs before I leave. Unbelievable! I've thrown all my expectations of this trip out the window in the best way possible. I know it's going to change me and I know it's going to challenge me. Specifically, physically. Mount Fuji is going to kick my whole Beyonce ass but that won't be until the end of my trip in July. Before that, I'll be on my feet all day in brand new places. It's going to be hot and humid and I'll need to stay hydrated at all times. I'll actually need to wear sunscreen. If you don't know this about me yet, I'm a hot mess. I can't keep track of anything to save my life. Why I'm embarking on an international soul-searching vacation all by myself, knowing this, is a mystery. I just need to go, that's it. So if things are going to go wrong I at least want to be physically fit enough to make it to the end of every day. I didn't have an objective when I met Meg, my trainer, or started barre the first time when I didn't know anything about it. I knew I wanted to live a more healthy lifestyle but I didn't care about how it made me look or what I'd be able to accomplish physically as a result. These training sessions, these classes, the fact that I'm in gym clothes 90% of the time this month make everything real for me. I'm realizing how insane it was that I was sitting in my room looking at a map of the world, pointing at a country and saying, "I'll go there." The fact that I did that two months ago and I'm still doing that now. And then, I looked up Japan on Google Maps, saw Mount Fuji, and said, "I'm gonna get on top of you." How is this is my life? How did I get here? One outlandish idea at a time, that's how.
Purely from a vain perspective, I want to look decent in pics, too. Who doesn't? And the reality is that the best shape of my life sans washboard abs (because cake is just too good) is gonna be way more Ashley Graham than Paris Hilton just because of the way I'm built. That's fine. Being comfortable in my own skin is just as integral of a part of solidifying my identity as having the courage to own my words and opinions. I mean, you won't see me Lena Dunhaming it up full bush or anything, trust me - I'm aware we have many shared qualities, but the penchant for nudity isn't one of them. Disclosure comes from loving the process. It comes from embracing where you are on the way to perfect and acknowledging that you'll never be perfect. Disclosure is the willingness to show your work. I'm doing that with this website on the whole and with the adventures I document along the way. So bring on the next 15 days! I'm ready.